First of Many Months in China!

I arrived in Beijing, the capital city of China with a population of 1.42 billion, on July 12th, 2019. Upon arrival, I was picked up by a company driver who brought me to the Homeinn Hotel in the Luifang area. I started training the following day. The company I work for, First Leap, is large, with 1,300 employees in Beijing alone. They provide extensive training for the first two weeks after arrival. The training was beneficial in many ways, especially since I had heard stories of people being thrown into teaching positions with little knowledge of what was required. We were a group of about 30 international teachers from South Africa, England, and the US. Most of the people were between 22 and 35 years old, with a few older outliers.

I was happy to be back in China, where every day is an adventure, filled with things that make little sense when compared to Western ideals. I immediately noticed obvious changes from when I studied in Shanghai almost five years ago. The sky is clearer, to the point where stars can be seen at night. You see buses running on battery power, electric scooters of all colors and sizes zipping around with no rules holding them back. People no longer looked at foreigners with the same amazement they did when I was here before. We were no longer seen as aliens, which is a result of the increased ability for Chinese people to travel outside of China and the increased number of foreigners in China. The streets are clean and well-managed. China is developing faster all the time. It is impressive what they have accomplished in Beijing.

For those unfamiliar with China, access to most outside social media and search engines is blocked, making a VPN crucial. Their main search engine, Bing, works alright but makes information gathering much more difficult than Google, which is blocked. There are paid options as well as free options for VPNs. Some of the best-paid options include ExpressVPN, NordVPN, and Astrill. Some good free options include Turbo, VPNlite, and Betternet.

ROSE

Although my traveling experiences were amazing, it felt good to have a consistent pillow and bed to come home to. I have found a nice little Hutong near the city center. Hutongs are narrow streets or neighborhoods common in northern Chinese cities. I am excited to be living among Chinese people in their neighborhoods and not in some apartment in the common expat regions. I enjoy being challenged daily by the language barrier that makes life a bit more difficult. Not many people speak English in China, and those that do may not speak anyway because of fear of embarrassment or loss of “face.”

BUD

I already knew that Beijing and Shanghai were very different, but I didn’t realize the extent of the differences in lifestyles in each city. I like to compare the cities by saying Beijing is much like L.A. on steroids—spread out, with some main areas covering a massive amount of space. Shanghai is like New York on steroids, with everything you would ever need within reach at any given point. Shanghai is much more alive and fast-paced. Part of me misses that. I am learning about the cool spots hidden away in Beijing and having fun exploring this unknown city. I am also learning about all the things you need to know as a resident here: how to pay for electricity, water, and how to charge scooter batteries while ensuring they are covered and out of the rain to prevent fires. The Chinese are very strict about registering your house and any guests from outside of China. Any time you leave mainland China and return, you must register at the police station. If you don’t, you can expect police officers at your door within a couple of days.

I have also opened a bank account in China, which allows me to use Alipay and WeChat Pay from my phone. I no longer use cash and can go through daily life very easily with only a phone. It is pretty amazing how efficient they have made some of these things. Obviously, I understand the worries of having a central payment center, social media platform, and everything else, but it sure makes life simple.

Lastly, I learned that you can’t have a garage sale on any street corner you want in the city. Weird, right? As some of my friends were leaving, we rushed to make some quick money on the street. After a bunch of funny looks and one sale, we were approached by some police officers who asked us to leave.

THORN

I wrote this after some really tough news arrived a while back. I was alone and due to the time difference there was really no-one to talk to. Writing the way I was feeling seemed like the best way to deal with it at the time. It was meant to be only for me and for my personal memories but now I think Tom would want people to share what they are feeling.

2 Weeks into China, Thursday 7/25

We got some pretty horrible news today. Tom, a teacher in our training group, disappeared on Tuesday, and no one had seen him since. On Wednesday morning, I remember thinking people were worried for no reason and that he would be back shortly. “Surely he’s gotten another hotel room for a night for some alone time,” I thought to myself. “Maybe he went out to the Great Wall of China and missed the last bus back. He probably stayed in a hotel out by the Wall and will be strolling into class in a couple of hours with a smile on his face.” But as the day went on, my optimism faded quickly. I thought harder about the situation and remembered my last encounter with Tom. He walked by me, and I said, “Hi Tom, how’s it going, man?” We had never really connected on a deep level, but I always said hi, and he always replied, “Good, how are you?” This interaction was different. He said hi and walked on pretty quickly. He was a shy guy, but thinking back, he seemed more anxious than usual. He was agitated. This moment is so clearly branded into my memory.

As the day progressed, I learned that Tom’s mother had passed away earlier this year. This was unknown to me before, but he had obviously told one of the other teachers. This threw me down a rabbit hole of thoughts. I did not feel good about the situation and dreaded any news. All day, we heard nothing, and the police spent the evening interviewing a few teachers to gather any information they could about what happened to Tom and why. The following morning, we went to training as usual, arriving at 9 AM. We were not given any more information until around 12:30 when we were asked to meet in the main room. I knew this was it. This was the news I had been dreading.

Tom’s body had been found by the police out by the Great Wall of China. He was dead. Although I felt I already knew this, the words cut deep. People did not know what to say or how to react. It’s impossible not to go down some dark pathways, thinking maybe if I had done something differently, he’d still be with us. Maybe if I had seen it coming, I could have stopped him. I was not close to Tom, but we saw each other a few times a day and exchanged short conversations. He was so obviously kind. He was gentle. He was sad. What hurts is that even though I was always smiling and saying hello to him, I never went the extra mile to really see how he was doing. We were very different characters; he was a shy guy who struggled a bit more socially than most people. I struggle with thoughts like, “Maybe I should have seen it coming. I should have noticed he was agitated that afternoon and made sure he was alright. I should have been more interested and given him more of my attention.” These thoughts keep running around in my head, and I can’t get rid of them even when I know better. I know this is what anyone who experiences something like this thinks. People blame themselves when the person made the decision on their own.

We do not know exactly what happened to Tom, and we never will. I just hope that those who are in my shoes, thinking the thoughts I am thinking now, understand that this is a chemical imbalance and that he made this decision on his own. It is no one’s fault!

This has reminded me of a lesson we should be reminded of more often, and in less harsh ways: People are complex, and they all struggle with different things. Some people are more aware of their struggles than others, and the severity of those struggles varies, but everyone struggles! As humans, we need to be aware of that and do our best to be kind to the quiet, kind to the odd, kind to the confident, and kind to all other types of people out there. We never know what the person right in front of us is dealing with. We need to do our best to go that extra mile, check on people, make sure everyone feels included, and ensure that no one feels isolated.

I feel heartbroken for Tom’s father, who just lost his wife and now this…